3 Bold Lessons from the 40 Over 40 Project: How to Love Yourself and Others
Remember the saying, “You need to put your life mask on first before helping others?” Well, this isn’t just a safety regulation repeated by flight attendants. It's also solid advice that creates a strong foundation for self-love and self-empathy.
When we think of empathy and compassion, we think of being kind to others and not always to ourselves. Yet, self-empathy is a critical aspect of self-love. And the real trick to giving more love to others is first accepting and cherishing yourself above all. When we value our mental health and emotional wellbeing, we are able to extend more and have healthier relationships.
But we shouldn’t wait until the cabin pressure is low or until our cup is so empty we can’t share the love we’re taught to give. Learning to love yourself through a “one day at a time” approach embodies one of the three bold lessons Cindy, a deeply empathetic woman and client who participated in my 40-over-40 project, shared during her photo shoot. Read on to discover how to build self-empathy while being a service to others.
What personality traits do you love about yourself?
Learning to love yourself is not an overnight fix; it can be a lifelong journey. This is particularly true with factors that make it difficult to acknowledge how wonderful we are, trauma, societal expectations, and years of criticism, to name a few. Yet, finding things about yourself to love, even if it’s one thing, can help you cultivate self-love.
Cindy loved her natural ability to connect with others, and while acknowledging this trait, she also realized how special it made her feel about herself.
EMPATHY. I realize I am able to discover someone deeply. To feel what they feel and hopefully view a perspective from their lens. I realize that not all people can or choose to explore empathy on a deeper level, but it's something that I love about myself.
When Cindy answered this question, I saw how her ability to empathize with others lit her up, even on set. Energetically and physically, she moved with every part of her body, genuinely caring for others, connecting with me through the camera, and valuing her unique gift.
Her answer to this question reminded me that even amongst our insecurities and doubts, if we look within, we can find something to admire, love, and cherish about ourselves.
What was your greatest challenge, and how did you overcome it?
It’s no secret that many of us struggle with body image and self-worth. Not to mention Instagram’s highlight reel, filters that blur imperfections, and societal expectations that build pressure make us more aware of what we perceive as our physical shortcomings.
There’s also an imbalance between brands advocating for self-love and brands pressuring us to achieve “The perfect body”, “Better abs”, and “Ageless skin”. While more brands are shifting the narrative to provide a more humanistic approach, the underlying expectations are still crippling our capacity to value who we are.
With Cindy, the main trait she loved about herself, her empathy for others, was also the same gift she struggled to provide for herself;
Interestingly enough, as it relates to the question above. I don't think that I have enough empathy for myself as it relates to how I look. I believe that I have struggled with body dysmorphia to some degree for the majority of my life. This includes a journey with a body image and eating disorder and the many challenges that come alongside that.
Women like Cindy who bravely discuss their experiences with body image are pioneering how we should move forward - normalizing these challenges and lifting mental health stigma.
To this day, it's a real challenge for me to feel confident in how I look. Yet, I am comfortable with how I feel inside as it relates to connecting with other people. Sometimes I wish I could turn myself inside out.
What is life teaching you in this season?
Overall, the main theme of this photoshoot was Cindy’s impactful lesson that loving ourselves is a journey we all need to take through a series of small steps. When we try to rush ourselves and resist change, it only leads to more self-criticism.
She also shared how the pandemic resurfaced old wounds and, despite the highs and lows, she learned to ask for help and find gratitude through all the pain she experienced, both emotionally and physically.
I continue to learn to take one day at a time.
Given the events of the past two years; living through the global pandemic yet watching firsthand our beloved Nashville grow and blossom, I am learning how to lean into the ebb and flow of highs and lows, fun and hard, pain and risk and reward.
This year I ruptured my Achilles which quite literally sidelined me for a season. I truly had to sit and ask for help in my personal and professional life. This time brought a lot of the pain of body dysmorphia to the surface and how much that had pervaded many parts of my life, even though I had tried to sweep it under the rug.
I think that in every facet of this season, I am learning to take one day at a time, roll with the punches and be grateful for ALL of it. Each day is a lesson and a gift.
Throughout my 40-over-40 project, I've noticed similarities among all the women I've photographed. Each client stresses the importance of being eternal students and finding gratitude in their daily experiences.
Their resilience and determination show we are all works in progress striving to find peace, accept ourselves, and grow. Cindy and I, therefore, believe that to love yourself means practicing self-forgiveness and patience. It's okay to make mistakes, stumble, and experience setbacks. The moments you fail do not define who you are. They instead make you stronger and more appreciative of your capacity to persevere and love yourself a little more, including loving those around you.
Overcome your fears and celebrate yourself
Focusing on what you love about yourself (even if it’s one thing), perfection is a myth, and loving yourself as a daily act are the three lessons Cindy and her 40-over-40 photoshoot provided. On top of everything Cindy bravely shared, despite her fears of getting her photos taken, she overcame them and celebrated herself as she is. This day of true self-celebration and self-love showed Cindy how powerful she is beyond her gift of empathizing with others. It allowed her to continue to heal old wounds, increase her self-empathy, and value more about herself than what she provides to others.
These gifts are what I strive to help every client acknowledge who comes to my set. Each photography session is a chance to liberate yourself from any insecurities, doubts, or fears you might have to discover how incredible and beautiful you are. I believe it gives you that extra confidence boost and space to continue loving others as you provide space to love the most important person in your life, you!
If you’re interested in this liberating self-love experience, please schedule a free consultation to start the process. Also, I'd love to know what coping strategies you use to help yourself with any struggles you have with your body image and self-esteem. Please comment below to empower women to normalize their experiences and help lift each other up.
With love,
Judith