How to Value Yourself as a Woman: The Ultimate Self-Love Guide
I once read a line in a book that immediately stood out, “You must love yourself first before you can love me”. In this narrative, a couple acknowledged the importance of nurturing self-love before continuing their journey together. Without a solid base of self-value, their love as a couple couldn't move forward. And this quote holds significant merit. Whether the famous quote from Ru Paul, “If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” or the quote I read resonates with you, we all need to look within and strengthen the most important relationship of all: the one we have with ourselves. Only then can we truly tap into the available abundance, compassion, and authenticity and watch life beautifully unfold around us in alignment with our highest desires. So, in this article, you’ll learn how to value yourself as a woman to create the life you deserve from a point of overflowing self-love. We could all use a bit of extra love.
How to Value Yourself as a Woman: 7 Tips
1. Remove the contingencies
We often create standards or conditions that determine when we can love ourselves. It's almost like a formula. For example, if I get this job and make X amount, then I am worthy. Or if I find this type of partner, then I am valued. Yet loving yourself doesn't require stipulations. Instead, it involves dropping the external validation and not allowing your self-love and self-value to be contingent on your success, social life, accomplishments, or anyone or anything for that matter. Internal validation is the key to unlocking a beautiful relationship with yourself.
2. Forgive yourself
Humans make mistakes. It’s unavoidable. Yet, we often trap ourselves for our errors in a spiral of shame and guilt. We believe we should have done better, achieved more, given more support, or said something else. But the wonderful thing about life is the continuous opportunity to grow and level up. Each obstacle or setback teaches you to drop the myth of perfection and realize that you’re a force that's even more powerful with strengths and weaknesses. The mix of both makes you unique, unstoppable, and, of course, imperfectly you - a true gem.
3. Drop the comparison
This lesson is a difficult one. In an age of constant images and videos of what seems like a perfect life, it’s common to compare what we see in the highlight reel and perceive it as lack. But I learned something valuable along my own self-love journey. I shifted my perspective and saw others accomplishing what I wanted as signs that I could do the same. I even added a mantra to help me, “Thank you for showing me what’s possible and revealing to me that my desire is on the way”. This shift in my internal dialogue helped me see my life through an endless view of gratitude, love, and compassion for myself and others. I also learned how to honor myself and my craft with a portrait session and saw myself in a different light. So, I urge you to catch yourself in these moments and move into a place of abundance and empowerment. You’re more than capable of achieving anything you want: believe it for yourself.
4. Get outside your comfort zone
One of the best ways to learn how to value yourself as a woman is to embrace challenges and discover how to take a risk on yourself. This means getting outside your comfort zone and doing something you thought you couldn’t do. Nothing feels better than talking yourself through a difficult situation and reveling in the success at the finish line. What scares you? What have you always wanted to do but fear you can’t? If jumping in with your feet first seems too frightening, start with small, manageable goals to increase your confidence. Following through on our goals and promises builds self-trust, elevating self-value and self-love. It's a triple win. Yet, if you find yourself struggling along the way, take a step back and list the accomplishments you’ve achieved thus far. Chances are, it will instantly brighten your day and remind you how incredible, strong, resilient, and inspiring you are.
5. Create a self-care routine
It’s impossible to give from an empty cup. Doing so will only lead to burnout and other mental conditions like depression and anxiety. Therefore, put yourself on a pedestal and ask, “What do I want? What brings me joy and happiness? Then give it to yourself. Self-love involves doing things that nourish you. When you carve out time for what matters to you, you water your seed of love and worth like a plant. So, whether you create a routine that feeds your mind, body, and spirit, like meditating, exercising, or treating yourself to a day of pampering and feeling beautiful in our most popular combo photoshoot, doing so will replenish your self-love garden and allow you to blossom….quickly, beautifully, and effervescently.
6. Challenge negative thoughts
It’s not a surprise to hear learning how to challenge our thoughts is on this list. Our minds are powerful. They are based on our conditioning, fears, and trauma and can either be our biggest cheerleader or worst enemy, or a mix of both, depending on what life gives us. Yet, you can use your mind to your advantage. For example, when you hear your self-critic say, “You’re not enough. Or you can’t achieve that", follow this method;
Label those thoughts as they arise and say, “Fear”, “A trauma response”, “Anxiety”, or “Worry” to reduce their power and help you redirect your brain to believe something more positive.
Forgive yourself for having the thought and say, “Thank you for telling me what I don’t want so I can clarify what I do want”
Then ask yourself, “What would make me feel better?” Perhaps acknowledging the emotion behind the negative thought and saying, “It’s okay that I’m scared. Maybe if I take a few deep breaths, I’ll feel better, and I can move forward”
Lastly, when you wake up in the morning, ignore your phone and instead listen to gratitude affirmations to activate the reward sectors of your brain and rewire your belief system.
These steps will help you learn how to root your internal dialogue in self-love so you can receive and give to the world. We need our strengths, skills, and abilities.
7. Embrace who you are
Authenticity is one of the highest frequencies. When you are yourself unapologetically, the world attaches to you like a magnet. Your charm becomes irresistible, and your self-love is undeniable. Yet, to achieve this, we need to confront the fears that prevent us from sharing our feelings, experiences, and more of who we are with others. Enforcing boundaries to protect yourself and being more open about how you feel and what you believe in can remove the restricting weight you feel when you want to voice your concerns. So, allow yourself to be seen and heard and to shine exactly as you are. It will deepen your relationship with yourself and attract the people who deserve you.
Love yourself first above all
Remember the light within you. It always shines no matter the darkness you encounter, and you have the beautiful ability to learn how to value yourself as a woman and love who you are unapologetically and authentically. Yes, it requires a bit of work, consistency, and patience, but it’s possible. But if you need an extra layer of support, I am here for you. I love empowering my clients with a self-love portrait experience. It allows you the time to nurture your soul, give back to yourself, and see how truly beautiful you are. Even more, it’s a day just for you. If you’re like most, maybe you find yourself constantly helping, doing, striving, and running around for everyone all the time. Yet, when was the last time you dedicated a day to doing exactly what you wanted instead of what you thought you should do? Giving yourself this day is freeing, necessary, and sustainable to fill your self-love tank. So, I urge you to prioritize your self-love, book the ultimate portrait experience if you feel compelled, and continue the life-altering work of strengthening your relationship with yourself. It’s worth it, just like you are.
