Why Mom Needs to Exist in Photographs

A long time ago, I changed how I did family photos and I made it about the moms. Mom comes in to get hair and makeup, to take time for her to be seen and heard and then the family comes at the end. I did this because I often heard “not me, just the kids” or “I’m always taking the pictures” or “I need to lose weight.” Then I would ask, when was the last time you were professionally photographed and the answer was often “my wedding” or “my office hired a photographer to come in and do headshots.”

I cannot say this enough, photography is evidence you exist in this world. It represents your legacy.

Here are 5 Reasons why Mom needs to Exist in Photographs:

1. Your children will want images of you.
   Your children will go from small to big. And one day they will go looking for images of you. Maybe it’s nostalgia or maybe we just want to remember and see who our moms are or were if have passed, and we want to see all the parts of them. To see them looking gorgeous, embracing who they are and loving themselves. Maybe we want to see them hold us. Maybe we are looking for parts of us in our moms. Whatever the reason, one day your adult children will go looking for images of you and what will they find? I hope they can see every generation you lived, every smile, every line and every wrinkle. I hope they see you showing up and not hiding. I hope there are not generations of you missing. Photography is evidence we exist in this world. And when we show up and allow ourselves to be seen, we give others permission to do the same. What  a wonderful message to pass down to your children.  

2. You are always taking the photos.
   Moms are usually the ones documenting their family history whether that is with their iPhone or a nice camera they bought. They are often the ones behind the lens. There are not as many photos of my mom from years growing up that I wish I had, and that is because she was always taking the photos and documenting. Moms seem to be the main proponents in capturing your children’s first year, taking travel photos, and recording our lives. And because moms are the ones taking pictures, they are never in the photographs.  To think, I was at that birthday, or that graduation, or on that vacation but nowhere to be found in the photos? Your existence in the family is so important. We want to see you too.  Just because you’re the unofficial family historian doesn’t mean there should be no photographs of you!
   
   
   

3. Losing weight or not liking your appearance is not a reason and it’s a terrible excuse.
   Oh, this is a big one for all women but especially moms. Our bodies are always changing but I’ve had a lot of women tell me that it especially changes after giving birth. Some women don’t recognize parts of themselves. And we are constantly trying to keep up with some vision of how we think we should look or comparing ourselves to a younger, skinnier version or comparing ourselves to someone else. Comparison will rob you of your joy and hold you back. And here’s the truth, most people are just bad at taking a flattering picture with a camera. It takes a lot of skill and knowledge to know how to position people. So every time we see a terrible photograph, we assume we’re unattractive and/or fat. In fact, lighting, posing, and expression determine how good (or bad) we look in a portrait. This is why there are professional photographers. Where you are relative to the light, how your body is positioned, the quality of light (harsh or soft), and whether that smile on your face is strained or relaxed makes a huge difference. So really, it’s not you! Being photogenic is a skill that you can learn, so don’t use it as an excuse to avoid photos. Find someone who knows what they’re doing with a camera or teach yourself the core principles of how to look better in photos, so you can start getting some portraits of yourself that you actually like. I have a guide for this!
   
   
   

4. It’s important to reconnect. You’re Life is important and worth celebrating.
   Sometimes we shelve parts of ourselves to take care of others. Moms almost always put themselves last. Moms might feel bad for spending money on themselves, even when they freely spend money on their children. Moms may not take time for themselves because of hectic work schedules, and kids schedules, and home duties. We become depleted, and hardly ever take time off much less time for ourselves.
   
   In case no one has told you this lately, you deserve more. It is not selfish to take time for yourself. How can you give to others when you don’t give to yourself? You are so incredibly important, to your family, but also as a person. You deserve to spend time alone, doing nothing. You deserve to buy things you want, even if they’re a bit extravagant. And you deserve to exist in photos. Not only for your children, but for yourself too! You deserve to reconnect to all the parts that make you the amazing woman that you are, even if they have been put on the shelf for a while. Come see her, feast on her beauty and stand in awe of her presence. Because you, mom, are extraordinary.
   
   
   

5. Tomorrow is never guaranteed.
   I just lost someone very close to me, and at the funeral the preacher said, you will have a legacy. It will be kept alive by what you leave behind, by the stories that people will share about you, through photographs, and through video whether you like it or not. What do you want your legacy to be? How do you want to be remembered? We don’t think about this too often and not to end on a note about death but the reality is tomorrow is not guaranteed. I can speak to that as I almost died 3 times in a car wreck 22 years ago. I know young people and older people who are cancer survivors and some that didn’t make it. And just to speak from recent personal experience, the number one thing we will go looking for and want of our loved ones who pass are photographs and video that we can look back on to keep their memory alive. Photographs might be not something we prioritize because we are just so busy with the everyday grind. Daily, we forget to reflect on important things like what will I leave my family when I’m gone, how will I be remembered. Please, take a moment to think about what’s important. Truly important. Because it won’t be the million different things on your to-do list for today, that’s for sure. It will be your story, how you treat people, how you show up in your communities. You own the pen in which that story will be written whether that is through photographs or stories. You get to write your legacy. 

TIPS ON HOW TO EXIST IN PHOTOS

Hand the camera to someone else and ask them to take a photo of you, you with your children or you with the whole family. If you have a partner, hand that camera over to them. Do this on trips, when you’re out on the town, or any time you feel inclined to take a picture of your children, stop and try to get in it yourself. Don’t worry about the result looking less than good. Have the person take 10-20 photos and keep the best one. 

Consider that selfies aren’t going to cut it. Take more classically inclined portraits (these will hold up with time), and have someone else take the picture, as mentioned above. Use the 50mm portrait lens on your phone (hit the “2x” button), and it will look great. 

Book a professional photoshoot for your family once a year, and not just for your children. Get in front of the camera and work with someone who knows how to make women look good so that you actually like your resulting portraits.

Print your photos! We have no idea what technology is going to look like 20, 30, or 50 years from now. If you want to guarantee that your children and grandchildren have images of you, make sure to get prints and keep them safely stored away from heat and humidity. Print on quality photo paper with archival-quality inks, because everything else will fade within a few years. And yes, invest in proper photography if possible whether it’s buying your own camera, asking a friend who is a hobby photographer to take pictures, or hiring a professional for portraits because iPhone photos look great on social media but fall apart pretty quickly when printed. And prints are a true archive of your life, they are the evidence you actually exist. 

And most of all, start thinking about this stuff before it’s too late. Being in photographs can only happen if you put active effort into doing it. And consider the types of images your children will want to have too - make sure you have portraits of you together with each child, laughing, playing, and smiling, so that they remember just how much you love them.

TIPS ON HOW TO EXIST IN PHOTOS

Hand the camera to someone else and ask them to take a photo of you, you with your children or you with the whole family. If you have a partner, hand that camera over to them. Do this on trips, when you’re out on the town, or any time you feel inclined to take a picture of your children, stop and try to get in it yourself. Don’t worry about the result looking less than good. Have the person take 10-20 photos and keep the best one. 

Consider that selfies aren’t going to cut it. Take more classically inclined portraits (these will hold up with time), and have someone else take the picture, as mentioned above. Use the 50mm portrait lens on your phone (hit the “2x” button), and it will look great. 

Book a professional photoshoot for your family once a year, and not just for your children. Get in front of the camera and work with someone who knows how to make women look good so that you actually like your resulting portraits.

Print your photos! We have no idea what technology is going to look like 20, 30, or 50 years from now. If you want to guarantee that your children and grandchildren have images of you, make sure to get prints and keep them safely stored away from heat and humidity. Print on quality photo paper with archival-quality inks, because everything else will fade within a few years. And yes, invest in proper photography if possible whether it’s buying your own camera, asking a friend who is a hobby photographer to take pictures, or hiring a professional for portraits because iPhone photos look great on social media but fall apart pretty quickly when printed. And prints are a true archive of your life, they are the evidence you actually exist. 

And most of all, start thinking about this stuff before it’s too late. Being in photographs can only happen if you put active effort into doing it. And consider the types of images your children will want to have too - make sure you have portraits of you together with each child, laughing, playing, and smiling, so that they remember just how much you love them.